I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
