Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
