Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
