I hate all girls vehemently.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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