Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
