I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
