Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
