He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
