she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
