You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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