I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
