dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
