As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
