where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
