you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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