I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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