if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
