My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
