I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
