My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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