Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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