ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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