Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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