Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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