he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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