Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
