I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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