im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
