well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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