my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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