I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
