You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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