Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She bit a glass in half.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
