I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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