Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
