People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
