It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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