I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
