If that was your dad, he is hot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
