life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
