it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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