no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
