Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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