if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think my mom watched the whole time
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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