Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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