You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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