I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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