I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
