I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
