Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
