if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
