Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so let's talk penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
