When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
40s are totally the cure
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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