ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
