You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
