question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
