I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
